
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Larf{e Catalogue Fret 
Price IS Cents Each, Postpaid- Unless Different Price is Given. 



DRAMAS. COMEDIES. ENTER. 
TAINMENTS. Etc. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1% ' 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2V$ hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2^^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2 {4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2i/4 hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr. (25c) 17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

^ m hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

^ 2'A hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down i.2 Dixie, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2% hrs 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief. 1 hr (25c) 10 

Elma. m hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, 1^4 h. (35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, iy2 hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

-, J^rs (25c) 4 4 

Jbrom Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 2y2 hrs (25c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

„ 1^ hrs (25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish) ,2 acts.li/^ h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

„ 2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2i/$ 

, J^is. (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, 154 hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jay ville Junction, 1^ hrs.(£5€)i:4 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acf^* 

2H hrs ^Z»c)'7 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

., , (25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

15^ hrs. (25c) 10 



5 ^ 



Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) ; 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2i/$ 

^T- ^""f-, -W. (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optnl 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

1 H hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, 1^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

^1^ hrs (25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1^ hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

^ 2J4 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^4 hrs.. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1% hrs. 7 3 
Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 25/2 h. 8 3 
Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 114 hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min 2 2 

Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 tfrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min.... (25c) 12 
Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

^. 2 hrs (2Sc) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2]^ 

^ hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h..(25c) 6 4 
Trip to Storyland, 1^ hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2;^ 

,. h: s. (25c) 7 3 

\ankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

TARGES, COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min. n 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DEMSON £i COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St. CaHco^o 



Cornelia Pickle, Plaintiff 

A BURLESQUE TRIAL FOR LADIES 

BY 

MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY 

AUTHOR OF 



'Humorous Monologues/' "Monologues for Young Folks,' 

"Fun on the Podunk Limited" "The Third Degree," 

"The Light Brigade" and "Monologues, 

Grave and Gay." 



CHICAGO 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF 



CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. Lucretia Bossem The Judge 

Mrs. Samantha Sharp Lazvyer for the Plaintiff 

Miss Mary Talker Lazvyer for the Defendant 

Elizabeth Scribe Clerk of the Court 

Miss Cornelia Pickle Plaintiff 

Mrs, Helen Dashing Defendant 

Katie O'Brien .... j Witnesses for the Plaintiff 

Mrs Sellem j ^ 

Mrs. Houseman Witness for the Defendant 

Mrs. Oldstyle . 
Miss Nervy. . . . 

Mrs. Slow I j^^,^^^ 

Miss Ailing. • • • 
Mrs. Flashy. . . | 
Mrs. Homebody. J 



Time of Playing — Forty Minutes. 



copyright, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 



TMP92-008650 
g)CI.D 31190 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 3 

REMARKS. 

The mock trial for women here presented is very easily 
staged, and as none of the parts are long it can be given 
with very little labor on the part of the actors. Things 
should move briskly and the lines be given with snap. Do 
not allow any dragging. The various parts should be well 
carried out, the judge being stern and dictative in man- 
ner, the lawyers giving their lines with soaring eloquence 
and many gestures. All remarks by the jury should be 
brought in quickly and in a very decisive manner. Mrs. 
Slow should go to sleep occasionally. Mrs. Flashy can 
have a bag of peanuts which part of the jury eat. If de- 
sired the judge can have a box of candy on her desk and 
eat it frequently. There must be a lot of spirit and ex- 
citement infused into the closing and things end with a 
whirl. 

COSTUMES. 

Mrs. Bossem and Mrs. Sharp — Hair quite plain, glasses, 
white tailored waists, high white collar, black tie, plain 
dark skirts, mannish black jacket. 

Miss Talker — Hair much fussed up in latest style, dress 
of showy color and stylishly made, jewelry, fancy hand 
bag, etc. 

Elizabeth Scribe — Plain dark gown, white collar, 
glasses. 

Miss Cornelia Pickle — Hair done up stylishly with 
corkscrew curls in front, a much-trimmed dress of bright 
colors, made old-style. Carry a fancy fan and a bottle 
of smelling salts. 

Mrs. Dashing — A large black hat much trimmed with 
lavender flowers, a fancy black dress gaily trimmed with 
lavender. Has a dashing manner. 

Katie O'Brien — Fancy colored dress with quite an at- 
tempt at style.' 

Mrs. Sellem — Richly dressed in dark colors. 

Mrs. Houseman — Quite an attempt at style of showy 
effect. 



4 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Mrs. Oldstyle — Old-fashioned bonnet and shawl, large, 
plain hand bag. 

Miss Nervy — Bright, showy gown and large hat. 

Mrs. Slow — Quite fat and dressed to look odd and out- 
of-place. 

Miss Ailing — Black dress and black hat, face powdered 
to look very pale. Carry hand bag with various medicines. 

Mrs. Flashy — Very showy gown of a color that will 
clash with that worn by Miss Nervy, large, much-trimmed 
hat. 

Mrs. Homebody — Well dressed in quite style and colors. 

ACCESSORIES. 

Each woman furnishes a sofa pillow, aiming to have a 
variety as to size and colors. These are to be secluded 
behind the scenes until called for. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; L., left, etc. The 
actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF 



Scene: At C. of hack of stage is a desk and chair for 
the Judge. Along the L. of the stage are chairs for the 
jury, and at the /.. of the Judge, are chairs for the wit- 
nesses. At the C, rather near front of stage, is a small 
table for the two attorneys and the clerk. At the R. and 
L. corners of front are chairs for the plaintiff and de- 
fendant, Miss Pickle sitting near Mrs. Sharp, and Mrs. 
Dashing near Miss Talker. At the R. of the stage is a 
loiv box on ivhich witnesses stand while giving testimony. 
Doors R. and L. 

As the curtain rises the Judge. Miss Talker, the De- 
fendant and Plaintiff, the Witnesses, and Clerk, stand 
in groups about the stage, talking excitedly, and most of 
them at once. Judge takes place at desk. 

Judge {rapping with gavel). Order! Silence! Let's 
begin work immediately so we can get through early. 

Mary Talker {to Mrs. Dashing). Oh, dear, is my hair 
all right ? I washed it last night and I can't do a thing with 
it today. 

Mrs. Dashing. It's all right — it looks fine. {All take 
places.) 

Enter ]\Irs. Sharp, hurriedly from R. 

Mrs. Sharp. Oh, mercy ! I rushed so to be here on time 
that Pm all out of breath. We had unexpected company 
for dinner and I had to help my husband with the meal, so 
I thought Pd never get here. {Sinks into chair.) 

Judge {rapping). Order! (To Ch^^^, crossly.) There! 
You've forgotten the soft pillows again ! Haven't I told 
you we don't enjoy these hard chairs without cushions? 
Bring them in. 



6 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Clerk (rising). Yes, your honoress. (Exit L.) 
Miss Pickle. I'll have to have a cushion. I'm troubled 
dreadfully with that all-gone feeling. 

Enter Clerk L. with as many pillozvs as she can carry. 

Judge. Give them out quickly. (Clerk hurries around 
and gives each one a cushion. If she cant carry them all 
at once she hurries out and brings in the rest.) 

Mary Talker. Oh, I love cushions ! (Each woman fixes 
her cushion to suit her, haz'ing quite a time to get it settled 
just right. Clerk puts cushion on each chair for the jury 
and resumes her seat.) 

Judge (rapping). Order! We will proceed to take up 
the next case. 

Clerk (rising). The case of Miss Cornelia Pickle versus 
Mrs. Helen Dashing, suit for damages. (Sits.) 

Judge. Miss Cornelia Pickle, are you the plaintiff in 
this case? 

Miss Pickle. I am, your honoress. 

Judge. Are you present? 

Miss Pickle. Of course, I'm pleasant. I'm always pleas- 
ant — though goodness knows the sorrow I've been through 
the past month is enough to sour my disposition. 

Judge. I said are you present f 

Miss Pickle. What a foolish question ! Can't you see 
I'm present? 

Judge. Don't you make fun of the law, Cornelia Pickle, 
or you'll get into a pickle. Mrs. Dashing, are you the de- 
fendant ? 

Mrs. Dashing. Indeed, I am ! When any one seeks to 
malign me and to make trouble for me they'll find me 
ready to — 

Judge (rapping). Well, if the plaintiff and defendant 
are here we will begin. Are the attorneys ready? 

Mary Talker (rising). I am readv, your honoress. 
(Sits.) 

Mrs. Sharp (rising). Ready and anxious for battle, 
your honoress. (Sits.) 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 7 

Judge. The clerk may bring in the jury in the case of 
Pickle and Dashing. (Clerk goes out L.) 

Enter Clerk L. zvith the Jurors, whom she conducts to 
their seats. 

Miss Nervy (who came next to Mrs. Flashy). I don't 
want this seat. (To Mrs. Slow). You change with me, 
please. 

Mrs. Slow. Eh? What? 

Miss Nervy. Change seats with me, please. 

Mrs. Slow. I haven't any cheese. 

Judge (rapping). What's the matter? 

Miss Nervy. Well, I'm not going to sit beside Mrs. 
Flashy. The color of her dress makes mine look just 
awful. 

Judge. Oh, that doesn't matter! Sit down. 

Miss Nervy. Well, I guess I just had this dress made 
new to wear here and I'm not going to have the effect 
spoiled by sitting next to this brilliant color of Mrs. 
Flashy's. So, there ! 

Clerk. I'll fix them, your honoress. (She goes over 
and gets Mrs. Slow to change scats with Miss Nervy and 
all get settled.) 

Mrs. Sharp (rising). Your honoress, I shall not waste 
time and beat about the bush by indulging in useless, high- 
flown and soul-stirring eloquence, but I shall proceed im- 
mediately and in a straight-forward, logical way to lay 
before you the case of my client, Cornelia Pickle, who sits 
here pale and emaciated, wan, worn and lacerated with 
anguish — the fair glow of health sapped by the gnawing 
canker at her heart. (Miss Pickle sighs deeply and zvipes 
her eyes.) 

Mrs. Slow. What is she talking about? I caught cold 
in my head yesterday and I- can't hear very well. 

Mrs. Flashy. She said somebody's got cancer of the 
heart, but I don't know who it is. 

Mrs. Slow. Cancer of the heart? Oh, that's awful! 
My mother-in-law's sister had a cancer and — 

Judge (rapping). Silence in the court! 



8 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Mrs. Sharp. My grief-stricken client looks as if she 
stood upon the brink of the grave, but the defendant looks 
as rosy and happy, as well and care-free as — 

Mrs. Dashing (angrily.). If I look well and happy it is 
because I have no sins on my conscience. No wonder Cor- 
nelia Pickle looks bad when — 

Mrs. Sharp. I object, your honoress. 

Judge. Well, I object to all this useless talk. I want to 
get down to business because I'm invited out to supper to- 
night and I've got to get home early to fix up. 

Mrs. Sharp (coldly). I told you I was going to omit 
all. preliminary eloquence and state my case without super- 
fluous remarks. To be brief, my client is seized and pos- 
sessed in fee simple of an organ — 

Miss Pickle (in surprise). Why, no, I haven't an 
organ. It's a piano. 

Mrs. Sharp. I mean an organ of the body — a heart ! 
This aforesaid heart, that the aforesaid Cornelia Pickle is 
seized and possessed of, and holds in fee simple — 

Mrs. Slow (hand to ear). What is she talking about? 

Mrs. Oldstyle. It's something about being seized and 
held for a fee, but I don't know what. I don't see how 
we can tell who is guilty when — 

Judge (rapping loudly). Silence! You must not talk in 
court. 

Mrs. Sharp. Ladies of the jury, I will begin once more 
and — 

]\Iiss Nervy. Leave out the beginning and get down to 
facts. 

]\1rs. Sharp (points to Cornelia). Cornelia Pickle has 
a heart (lays hand dramatically over heart) and that heart 
is — broken ! Ladies, a broken rib or a broken limb is bad 
enough, but think of the torture of a broken heart. This 
is not a mere crack, but a serious break that is allowing the 
joy of life to ebb away. 

Mrs. Oldstyle. Poor thing ! 

Miss Ailing. Where is my camphor? It makes me faint 
to think of such a break. (Hunts in hag and finds camphor, 
zvhicJi she sniffs). 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 9 

Mrs. FIomebody. Can't the doctor do anything for her? 

Judge. Order! (Pounds desk). 

Mrs. Sharp. No doctor can mend a broken heart. No 
medicine can reheve its assiduous pain. A broken heart 
has brought many a person to an untimely grave. (Miss 
Pickle sniffles and zvipes eyes). 

Mrs. Slow. Whose grave is she talking about? 

Miss Ailing. Where's my tonic? It upsets me to think 
of graves. {Hunts in bag and finds tonic and takes a drink 
from bottle.) 

Judge. Silence ! 

Mrs. Sharp. The cause of a broken heart is soon told. 
A few weeks ago Cornelia Pickle was a happy, rosy-cheeked 
person, possessing what every woman delights in — a lover, 
that is, a man who was fast becoming a lover. My happy, 
blushing client reciprocated and capitulated to his suit 
and — 

Mrs. Oldstyle. Maybe it's all right, but that sounds like 
awful scand'lous things for a Christian woman to do. 

Mrs. Sharp. With all the strength and vigor of her 
womanly heart she returned his affection, but just as she 
was enjoying the bliss of love's young dream her castle is 
dashed to pieces (pounds table with fist) and her lover is 
stolen from her. Yes (frantically) , her lover is dashed to 
pieces — I mean her heart is dashed to pieces — and she lies 
stricken upon the rocks of sorrow. 

Mrs. Oldstyle. Poor thing! 

Mrs. Slow. What was dashed to pieces? 

Miss Nervy. Ain't that just too fierce for anything? 

Miss Ailing. Where's my dyspepsia tablets? It makes 
me sick at my stomach to hear such sad things. (Hunts in 
bag for tablets and takes one.) 

Mrs. Flashy. She ought to get another man. There's 
plenty of 'em. 

Judge. Order! Silence! 

Mrs. Sharp. Ladies of the jury, T am glad to see you 
are properly moved by the sorrow of — 

Mary Talker (jumping up). Your honoress, I object. 

Judge. What is your objection? 



10 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Mary Talker. I object to my ranting opponent trying 
to work the jury by — 

Mrs. Flashy. She can't work me. I didn't come here 
to work. 

Judge. Your objection is sustained. 

Mrs. Sharp. Just as my trusting cHent, enraptured with 
the bliss of her first love — 

Miss Pickle. Oh, no! (Indignantly.) I'd had a lot of 
lovers before that. Several — a lot of men have wanted me. 

Mrs. Sharp (aside). Keep still. Don't spoil my case. 
(Aloud.) Just as she was looking forward to the rapture 
of matrimony her lover was taken from her — enticed away 
from her by — 

Mrs. Dashing. I never enticed him in the world, Sa- 
mantha Sharp, and I will — 

Judge. If you don't keep still. I'll fine you, Helen 
Dashing. 

Mrs. Sharp. Therefore, ladies of the jury, we have the 
case of Cornelia Pickle, who is bringing suit against Helen 
Dashing for alienating the afifections of her lover, Josiah 
Judkins. 

Judge. Attorney Sharp, you have said enough. I told 
you I wanted to get home early. Does the defense wish to 
make any preliminary remarks? 

Mary Talker (rising). Only this, your honoress, that 
because my client is an attractive, fine looking woman to 
whom men are naturally drawn through no machinations 
of hers, she cannot be held guilty for homage that is vol- 
untarily cast at her feet. A lamp cannot be blamed because 
the moths fly into the blaze. (Looks triumphantly around 
zvith a satisfied smile and sits down.) 

Judge. Counsel for the plaintifif, call your witnesses. 

Mrs. Sharp. Katie O'Brien. (Katie comes forward.) 

Clerk. Hold up you right hand. I solemnly swear — 

Katie. Oh, my, oh, my! Have I got to? 

Clerk. Certainly you must. No getting out of it. 

Katie. Well, if I must swear, dum it all to gee whiz, 
and it's not another swear I'll say to please you. 

Clerk. All right, but you must repeat after me these 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 11 

words: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth (Katie repeats), 
the whole truth and nothing but the truth in this case." 
(She repeats rapidly.) 

Mrs. Sharp. Miss O'Brien, do you know the plaintiff 
in this case pending? 

Katie. Indade I do, ma'am, an' I must say that though 
there's them as is handsomer and more attractive, they ain't 
got sech kind ways and gentle hearts as hers be. As I says 
to Tim Maloney, him as comes to me considerable nights, 
there ain't no better lady to work for than Miss Pickle. 
And I've worked for her now six weeks, so I ought to 
know. 

Mrs. Sharp. Will you tell us what you know about the 
affair of Mr. Josiah Judkins and Miss Pickle? 

Katie. Well, ma'am, from what I could see I should 
say that he was real well gone on her but was too bashful 
to spake up and say the fatal words. Shure and he's not 
like Tim Maloney, who proposes to me ivery night he comes 
to see me — though I always refuse him. 

Mrs. Sharp. Do you think Mr. Judkins cared for Miss 
Pickle? 

Katie. Oh, yis, ma'am. He niver come to see her that 
he didn't bring her some peppermint drops, and he would 
set, ma'am, and look at her like as he was so charmed he 
couldn't spake, talkin' all the time about his bins and his 
peratie patch and sich. 

Mrs. Sharp. Do you think he was really fond of her? 

Katie. Indade he was, ma'am. Shure one night whin 
me and Tim Maloney come home from walkin' by moon- 
light they were settin' in the parlor, and his chair was rale 
clost to hers and he was sorter leanin' towards her, and 
Tim says, says he, ''Shure, I'll bet me hat that he'll be a 
holdin' of her hand in half an hour more. 

Mrs. Sharp. Did Miss Pickle ever say she was engaged 
to Mr. Judkins? 

Katie. Not exactly that, ma'm, but she said as how he 
said he ought to settle down in a home, and that he thought 
her cookin' was foine — which same you can see for your- 
self sounds rale serious. And Tim Maloney said, says Tim, 



12 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF/ 

ma'am, "The way he looks I wouldn't be surprised at his 
poppin 'any time." 

Mrs. Sharp. Poppin'? 

Katie. Yes, poppin' the question, ma'am, to ax if she'd 
have him. 

Mrs. Sha^^p. What do you know about his breaking- off 
with Miss Pickle? 

Katie. Shure, I knew nothing of it for a while, ma'am. 
I noticed Miss Pickle looked sort of pinin' and sad, then 
she began to fall off in her eatin', but I wasn't -suspectin' 
nothing, thinkin' it was likely her liver as she* sometimes 
has spells with. I noticed Mr. Judkins hadn't been to see 
her for a spell, but I thinks nothing of it till one night Tim 
Maloney says, says he, ma'am, "Ain't that the divil of a 
foine lookin' widdy to be takin' Miss Cornely's beau from 
her?" And says I, speakin' excited, "The saints presarve 
us, what do you be meanin' ?" And then he tells me, ma'am, 
that he'd saw Mr. Judkins out walkin' with this Mrs. Dash- 
ing, and you could a knocked me down with a toothpick, 
ma'am, I was that beat. So the next morning I says, to 
sort of see what she'd say, says I, "Shant I swape the par- 
lor today, ma'am, for fear Mr. Judkins should be comin' 
tonight?" And say she, "No, not today, Katie." Then she 
sighs and says she, "'Tis men are quare creatures, and de- 
ceitful beyond all expectin'," and she goes out cryin'. 

Miss Ailing. Oh, where's my camphor? This is so sad 
it makes me feel sick. {Hunts in bag for cdmp-hor and 
sniffs bottle.) 

Mrs. Slow. Poor thing! Poor thing! 

Katie. And from that time he has not come to see Miss 
Pickle, and Tim Maloney said as how he often saw him 
with this Mrs. Dashing. And that is all I know excipt that 
poor Miss Cornely Pickle has growed thinner and sadder 
and more pinin' ivery day, ma'am. 

Mrs. Sharp. That is all I wish, Miss O'Brien. You have 
proved that there was surely a serious affair between the 
plaintiff and Mr. Judkins, which should have resulted in 
marriage. 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 13 

Mary Talker (fakes zvitncss). ITow old are you, Miss 
O'Brien? 

Katie. Shiire, ma'am, I was borned the same year as 
the daughter of old Squire Eagan, bHss his soul, and folks 
did often call us the twins. Sich a foine girl as she was ! 

Mary Talker. Please omit superfluous remarks and 
answer my question. How old are you? 

Katie. Well, ma'am, it's quare now, but I niver can 
ramimber if I was borned the year before the big fire in 
Cork or the year after it, though it was shure one or the 
other, ma^'am. 

Mary Talker. How old are you? 

Miss Nervy. I should say she is about twenty-five. 

Katie (scornfully). Twinty-five, is it? Shure it's no old 
maid I be. I'm jest turned twenty-two, though Tim Ma- 
loney says — 

Mary Talker. Never mind what Tim Maloney says. 
What reason have you to believe Mr. Judkins gave Miss 
Pickle any reason to think he intended to marry her ? 

Katie. Have yez ever had a beau, ma'am? 

Mary Talker. Why — I — (crossly) that has nothing to 
do with the case. Answer my questions. 

Katie. I was jist going to say, ma'am, that them as has 
had a lot of beaux and got to know the ways of men can 
tell all right whin a man is gone on a woman. And while 
Mr. Judkins maybe wasn't crazy like Tim Maloney is over 
me, yit heVas gone on Miss Pickle, all right. 

Mary Talker. But you have no proof that — 

Katie. Shure, ma'am, if you'd had some beaux — 

Mary Talker. Never mind about my beaux. I want to 
know — (a loud rapping is heard at R. door. Clerk answers.) 

Clerk. Your honoress, a messenger is here who says 
that Attorney Sharp's husband has sent word that he wants 
some ginger bread for supper and he can't find the soda any 
place and he wants to know if she knows where it is. 

Mrs. Sharp (thinking). Why — why — I — let me think — 
oh, I know. I had the soda upstairs to put some on a mos- 
quito bite and I left it on the dresser — or on the commode — 
or perhaps it's on the floor. 



14 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Clerk. I will tell him. (Goes to R. door and whispers, 
then resumes seat.) 

Judge. This case is dragging- too much. Attorney 
Talker, please get through with the witness. 

Mary Talker (sulkily). I don't want any more of her. 
(Katie takes seat.) 

Mrs. Sharp. Mrs. Sellem. (She comes forward to 
stand, is sworn by Clerk as before.) Mrs. Sellem, my 
client is bringing suit against Mrs. Helen Dashing for 
alienating the affections of her lover, Josiah Judkins. What 
do you know about Mrs. Bashing's part in this sad affair? 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, it's just like this. You know I run 
a store and I've been doing fine the past year, too ; business 
has been real good. Mrs. Dashing often came in to look 
at things, though she wasn't much of a hand to buy. I told 
Nancy Joslyn that I didn't believe Helen Dashing had as 
much money as she tries to make out or she'd spend more. 

Mary Talker. Your honoress, I object to this useless 
explanation about my client. 

Mrs. Dashing (angrily). So do T object, your honor- 
ess. I guess that — 

Judge. Silence! Objection is sustained. 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, one day about three weeks ago 
Mrs. Dashing came in and she looked at a lot of things. 
There was some pink silk stockings she liked awful well, 
but I guess she couldn't afford to buy — 

Mary Talker. Your honoress, I object. Irrelevant tes- 
timony. 

Judge. Objection sustained. (To Witness.) Didn't I 
tell you not to tell those things? 

Mrs. Sellem. All right. Well, she looked at several 
things and pretty soon in came Mr. Judkins to buy some 
handkerchiefs for himself. Well, while he was looking at 
them Mrs. Dashing came over and began to talk to him and 
she stood there and talked an awful long time. She just 
laughed and talked and joked, and as I said to Susan Lov- 
ering after they'd gone she seemed dreadful happy for a 
woman that had lost her husband. Well, she made eyes at 
him — you needn't glare at me, Helen Dashing. I've sworn 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 15 

to tell the whole truth and I'm going to no matter how mad 
you get. Well, as I said, she made eyes at him, and when 
he went out of the store she went with him. 

Mrs. Dashing. That's not so. He went out with me. 

Judge. Order. (Raps.) Silence! 

Mrs. Sellem. And I said that very day that I bet Helen 
Dashing would set her cap for him because — 

Mary Talker. Your honoress, I object. 

Mrs. Dashing. So do I. I can get better men than 
Josiah Judkins. 

Judge. Order! Objection sustained. 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, it was only a few days before I 
saw Helen Dashing out walking with Mr. Judkins and she 
was making eyes at him and laughing, and I said — 

Mary Talker. Your honoress, I object. Wlio cares 
what she said? 

Judge. Objection sustained. 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, it wasn't any time before folks was 
saying that INIrs. Dashing had cut out poor Cornelia Pickle, 
one of the best souls that ever lived, and she buys a lot at 
my store, too. And I know that Helen Dashing just roped 
him in. 

Mrs. Dashing. Roped him nothing ! He was crazy to 
go with me. 

Mrs. Sharp. Have you reason to think Mr. Judkins 
cared for Miss Pickle before Mrs. Dashing's siren wiles 
were thrown about him? 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, he was in the store one day when 
she was there and he watched her just like — a — mouse does 
a cat — I mean a — well, as if he couldn't keep his eyes off 
her, and I said I bet that would make a match. 

Mrs. Sharp. That is all. 

Mary Talker. Wdiat reason have you to think Mr. Jud- 
kins cared for Miss Pickle just because he looked at her? 
Men don't love all the women they look at. 

Mrs. Sellem. Well, I've had lots of gentlemen com- 
pany when I was young and had two husbands, and I guess 
I can tell when a man is serious about a woman. If you 
had had a lot of men in love with you, Mary Talker — 



16 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Mary Talker {hastily). That will do. You may be 
seated. (She sits.) I will ask Mrs. Houseman to take the 
stand. (She comes forward and is szvorn by the Clerk.) 
Mrs. Houseman, do you know the defendant, Helen Dash- 
ing? 

Mrs. Houseman. Yes, indeed, I know her. She is a 
very nice woman. I keep a boarding hous-e and she has 
lived with me for six months, so I know she is very, very 
nice. She always keeps her board paid — which is the best 
thing I can say of a person — and she is a good woman and 
very nice. 

Mary Talker. Is she a woman who tries to attract the 
attention and admiration of men? 

Mrs. Houseman. Oh, no ! She is very, very nice ! Why, 
one of my boarders, a Mr. Hinson, tried to be attentive to 
her and she would have nothing to do with him. And one 
day a man came and asked her to go for a ride but she 
would not go. Then Timothy Patterson, who lives near 
me, was real smitten on her, but she wouldn't have any- 
thing to do with him. She is very, very nice. 

Mary Talker. Did Mr. Josiah Judkins ever come to 
your house to see her? 

Mrs. Houseman. No, he did not. He walked home 
from down town with her once or twice, but he did not 
come to see her. I think he was quite taken with her, and 
who could blame him, when she is so nice and bright look- 
ing, and attractive, and pleasant, and so very, very nice? 
But I am sure she did not care about him or try to get him 
away from that Cornelia Pickle. She doesn't care about 
the men, I am sure, because she told me that it would be 
years and years before she could forget her dead husband. 
She is very, very nice — and prompt to pay her board. 

Mary Talker. And you think she did not lead Mr. 
Judkins on? 

Mrs. Houseman. Oh, no, indeed. She might have been 
pleasant to him because she is so jolly and so very, very 
nice, but I sure she did not care about catching him be- 
cause she — well; she — 

Mary Talker. What is it? Tell us why? 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 17 

Mrs. Houseman {hesitating) . Well, because from some- 
thing she said I think there is a man over to Barneyville 
she has her eye on. 

Mary Talker. Thank you, Mrs. Houseman. I hope 
the ladies of the jury have been impressed with your im- 
portant testimony because it proves Mrs. Dashing has not 
tried to capture Mr. Judkins. 

Mrs. Sharp. I wish to ask you, Mrs. Houseman, why 
Mrs. Dashing refused the attentions of the men you re- 
ferred to. 

Mrs. Houseman (hesitating). Well, I^that is — she — 

Mrs. Sharp. I demand an answer to my question. 

Mary Talker {jumping up). Your honoress, I object 
to the question. 

Mrs. Sharp (jnniping up). Your honoress, I want that 
question answered. 

Judge. Objection overruled. {To Witness.) Answer 
the question. 

Mrs. Houseman. Well, she — she said they didn't have 
money enough to suit her and the next time she married 
she was going to get some dough. But she is very. z'er\ 
nice. 

Mrs. Sharp. Did she say why she would not forget 
her husband for years and years? 

Mrs. Houseman {hesitating). Ye-es. 

Mrs. Sharp. Why was it? 

Mary Talker {jumping up). Your honoress, I object 
to the question. 

Mrs. Sliarp {jumping up). Your honoress, I want that 
question answered. 

Miss Nervy. Make her answer it. 

]\Irs. Flashly. A^es, make her answer. I want to know 
why it is. 

Miss Ailing. Where is my heart medicine? This is so 
exciting I am sure I'll have a heart spell. {Hunts in bag, 
finds bottle and fakes a drink) 

Judge (rapping). Order! Silence! Objection overruled. 
Question must be answered. Maybe it has no bearing on 



18 . CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

the case, but I want to know why she won't forget her 
husband — most women do. 

Mrs. Dashing. This is simply insulting. Don't you 
dare tell, Mrs. Houseman. 

A Number of Women. Tell ! Tell ! 

Mrs. Sharp. Answer the question. 

Mrs. Houseman. Well, she said — said — that — that — she 
wouldn't forget him because he was so mean and stingy. 
(Cries of ''The Idea.'') 

Mrs. Sharp. That will do. You have given us some 
fine information. (Mrs. Houseman takes seat. A commo- 
tion is heard outside. Clerk goes to R. and talks in 
whisper.) 

Clerk. Your honoress, a messenger has just arrived 
saying that Mrs. Homebody's baby has swallowed the knob 
off the top of the coft'ee pot and they want her to come 
home right away, 

Mrs. Homebody {juinping up). Oh, my dear baby! It 
will kill her. Let me out. 

Judge (rapping). Here, you can't go, Mrs. Homebody. 
When a person is on jury duty she can't run oft*. They can 
get a nurse. 

Mrs. Homebody. I guess I will go. Do you think I'm 
going to let my baby die? 

Judge. You sit down and wait until court closes. I'll 
fine you for contempt. Your baby will be all right. 

Mrs. Homebody. Lucretia Bossem, I've known you ever 
since you was a girl and you needn't put on airs with me. 
If you think I'm going to act on any old jury when my 
sweet baby is in danger you are mistaken, and you are a bad, 
bad woman to want me to stay. 

Miss Ailing. Where is my tonic? It makes me sick to 
think of that poor baby. She may be dead by this time. 
(Gets bottle from bag and drinks.) 

Mrs. Slow. Lucretia Bossem, you let her go home to 
her child. 

Judge (stubbornly). It's the law. 

Miss Nervy. Oh, go on, Mrs. Homebody. I guess we 
five can settle the case all rio-ht. 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 19 

Mrs. Homebody. Oh, dear, my darling baby! (Hurries 
out at R. weeping.) 

Judge. This is a nice way to run a court. We ought to 
respect the law. 

Miss Nervy. Oh, who cares for the law ? I guess women 
are smart enough to change the law to suit us. 

Judge. Well, go on with business. Where were we at? 

Mrs. Sharp. I will ask the plaintifif, Miss Pickle, to take 
the stand. (Cornelia comes forward and is sworn.) Tell 
us about thi^ sad case, Miss Pickle. 

Miss Pickle. There is very little to tell. Mr. Judkins 
had been attentive to me — such a nice man he is and so kind 
and gentle — and had been coming to see me — though he is 
rather bashful and retiring he is very entertaining — and he 
had been coming to see me for several months — though he 
has been sort of casting eyes at me for nearly two years — 
and he was getting very attentive — he is very quiet you 
know, and sort of bashful or I am sure he would have asked 
me — to — to — marry him. We had very delightful times — 
he came to see me every week and I am sure he had made 
up his mind to marry me though he had not really said so 
in words — but a woman can tell, you know, when a man 
admires her — and he liked my cooking very much. He was 
so attentive to me that — I — had started to — embroider some 
— my — some clothes, because I thought that when he once 
had proposed he would be in a hurry for the wedding. All 
my friends noticed how he admired me and — 

Katie. Shure that's so. Tim Maloney said that — 

Judge. Silence! Order! 

Miss Pickle. Then all of a sudden he stopped coming 
to see me and I heard he was going with Mrs. Dashing. 
She is to blame for it all. She has taken him aM^ay from 
me (zveeps) and — bro — bro — ken my heart. (Sits.) 

]\'Irs. Oldstyle. The poor thing. 

]\Trs. Slow. The poor dear! 

Miss Ailing. Oh, this is so sad ! I am just overcome 
with sympathy. (Opens bag and takes one dose after an- 
other front 7'arious bottles.) 



20 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Mrs. Dashing. I never took him away from her at ali. 
I don't care anything about him ; so there. 

Miss Nervy. I've always heard that widows were terri- 
ble hands to attract men. I know how I'll vote. 

Miss Ailing. So do I. Poor Miss Pickle. 

Judge (rapping). Order! Silence! 

Mary Talker. I will ask the defendant to take the 
stand. (There is a noise outside and the Clerk goes to R. 
door and whispers. Returns and hands a telegram to Mrs. 
Dashing.) 

Clerk. It was a message for Mrs. Dashing, you honor- 
ess. (Mrs. Dashing opens telegram and reads and then 
begins to whisper excitedly with Mary Talker. Mary 
Talker tries to detain her but she hastens from the room.) 

Judge. Here, where is the defendant going ? Come back. 
Stop her! She can't go yet. (Mrs. Dashing is out of the 
room through door R. before Clerk starts to stop her.) 

Mary Talker (rising). Your honoress, I will explain. 
I tried to get the defendant to wait until she had been 
shown justice, but she has just received a telegram from 
that gentleman over at Barneyville that he is coming to 
see her this evening and she has gone home to get fixed 
up and ready for him. She thinks he is going to propose 
tonight. 

Mrs. Houseman. Then I'll have to hurry home and do 
some extra baking for supper. (Hastens from room through 
door R.) 

Miss Pickle (brightening up). Wouldn't it be nice if 
she married him? 

Judge. Order ! Silence ! Let us go on with the case. 
I've got to go home. What comes next? 

Mrs. Sharp. Your honoress, I believe we are ready to 
let the jury act upon this important case. They surely can 
see who is guilty and who should be reimbursed for her 
sad, broken heart. As counsel for the plaintiff I am willing 
to rest the case with the noble, high-minded women of the 
jury who will be anxious to deal jusily with one of their 
worn, sorrowing sex. 

Mary Talker (jumping up). Your honoress, I am not 



CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 21 

willing that my client be misused, dishonored, insulted and 
deprived of her just rights. She is a fine, noble woman, and 
just because she has gone home on important business is 
no reason why we shall not have fair play. I want to say 
that — (loud knock at door R. Clerk hurries over.) 

Clerk. Your honoress, there is a note for Miss Pickle 
that requires an answer. (Gk'cs note to Miss Pickle.) 

Miss Pickle. Oh, it is Josiah — Mr. Judkins' writing! 
(Opens note and reads.) Oh, oh, he wants to know if he 
can come over this evening to see me. He has something 
to ask me. 

Miss Nervy. I'll bet he's going to propose — won't that 
be fine ? 

Miss Ailing. Oh, how sentimental ! Where's my cam- 
phor? (Finds it and takes a smell.) 

Katie. Oh, ma'am, I'll run home and fix up the parlor 
(Hurries from, room through door R.) 

Miss Pickle. I wish I could go home, too — I'm so — 
excited. 

Mary Talker. I want this case decided. I want my 
client placed right and cleared of the slanderous charges 
made against her. 

Judge. Well, I charge the jury — 

Mrs. Flashy. Charge us? Why, I thought we got pay 
for coming here. You needn't charge me anything — I won't 
pay a cent. 

Mrs. Oldstyle. Well, I can't wait any longer. My hus- 
band always wants a hot supper and I must go home and 
get it started right away. 

Judge. Well, I've got to go home and get ready for the 
tea party. 

]\Irs. Sellem. Well, the jury ought to decide to give 
Cornelia Pickle that hundred dollars she sued for because 
of her broken heart. 

Miss Pickle. But my heart is all right now. I don't 
want the hundred dollars and I'm willing to help pay the 
costs. 

Miss Nervy. What a noble woman ! 



22 CORNELIA PICKLE, PLAINTIFF. 

Judge {looking at watcJi). Gracious! I didn't know it was 
so late. We will have to close court. I'll send word around 
to you how I decide to settle things when I've had time to 
think about it. 

Mrs. Sharp. But the jury ought to — 

Judge. Don't get smart now, Samantha Sharp. I guess 
I can settle this business up all right. Court is closed. 
(Loud rap.) 

Mary Talker. If this isn't the limit ! (As the curtain 
goes dozvn most of the women stand about Miss Pickle 
shaking hands zvith her and she beams happily upon them 
all. The Judge hurries from room R. door and Mary 
Talker and Mrs. Sharp stand at one side having a fierce 
discussion, gesturing as if very angry.) 

Curtain. 



A Daughter of the Desert 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 23 Cents 

A comedy-drama of the Arizona Plains, 4 acts; 6 m., 4 f. Time, 
2^/4 h. Scenes: 2 interiors. Easy to set. Characters: Harold 
Morton, a railroad surveyor. Clarence Ogden, a rancher. Samuel 
Hopkins, a land speculator. Pedro Silvera, a Mexican renegade. 
Jim Parker, a gambler. Bill Jones, a sure-fire sheriff. Ruth 
Arlington, a daughter of the desert. Mrs. Mary Ogden, a widow. 
White Bird, an Apache Indian girl. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Clarence and Lucy have an adventure. "How dare you 
kiss a helpless girl, sir?" Silvera's charge. Your father was killed 
by Charles Morton. The avowal of love. Hopkins dotes on custard 
pies. The Apache outbreak. "If I die, clear my father's name." 

Act II. — "It's not my stomach, but my heart, papa." Clarence 
wounded. The arrest of Morton. White Bird's avowal. "We shall 
bring the guilty to justice." 

Act III. — How Silvera got a scar on the back of his hanCl. "I put 
it there with my sticker!" "I am a man of honor and my word is 
my bond." The rescue of Morton by cowboys. Ruth has the upper 
hand. Off to the Mexican line. 

Act IV. — "My husband ate two lemon pies and died." White Bird 
clears up the mystery. "Silvera shot him in back." Jones and 
Parker take a hand in the game. Ruth the richest girl in Arizona. 
Everybody happy. 

The Lonely ville Social Club 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy, 3 acts; 10 f. Time, l^^ h. Exceedingly lively and 
humorous. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Time hangs heavily on the hands of Mrs. Jack Newly- 
wed and Magda Peachblow, and they resolve to form a social club. 
The representative ladies of the village make a 9 o'clock general 
call. 

Act I presents Lonelyville's "four hundred." The stormy session 
of the benefit society. Gladys is both seen and heard. General con- 
fusion. 

Act II. — Mrs. Newlywed attempts to form the social club. Mrs. 
Purse Proud on her track. Discovered. A stormy scene. The 
determination to present "Uncle Tom's Cabin." 

Act III.— The town hall has been converted into a theater for 
the occasion. Gladys raises a row. Mrs. Steps and Mrs. Proud 
settle old jcores. Ellen makes a show of herself. The performers 
are guyed by the "audience" and the performance cut short in 
disgust. The windup of the "Lonelyville Social Club." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street. CHICAGO 



I>enison''s 
Vaudeville Sketches 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 

Nearly all of these sketcnes were written for profes 
svonals and have been given with great success cy vaude- 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
ve^y funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments; however, tney con- 
tain nothing that will offend, and are all within the 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 t. 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to " try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, 
is mistaken for the boxmg instructor and has a "trying out" that is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.- Vaudeville sketch. by Harry L.Newton; 2m., 
1 f. Time 20 m. Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Rose 
Lark must mr^.rry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy tfay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him f©r 
Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

OLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hotfman; 1 ra., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at ihe office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, 
Jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m.. 
If. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park al) 
night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hi*,. 

HEY, RUBE!— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 16 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way ne tells of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

IS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. ^!ewton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of 
his. Tlais act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Full of local hits, 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX,— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER S'^EW.— A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hottman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKL— Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, i? 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He has troubles every minute 
that will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 
about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny llRes 
•nd rich rare hits that will be reitiembered and laughed over for weeks. 

T. S. DENISON a COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min..., 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins* Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min.... 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min. . . 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min. 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m.. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min ..32 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. RLON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in* Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min.. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House. 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min 2 1 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A (treat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalo|{ue. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph SU Chicago 



OCT 21 1912 



■POPULAR ENTERTAINM ||||B^^^^^^^ 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 2 Q 016 102 395 4 4 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dlaloitues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialo|{ues. 

From six to eleveji years of atfe. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

50.000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide AVake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS. MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 
Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 

Dialect Readin{{s. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for YouniJ Folks. 
Clever, h-umorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrap-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 



DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that spafrkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years, 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good ThinfSs for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues-, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic ReadintEs. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Finders and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gagSo 
A Bundlle of Burnt Cork Comedy* 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Lau^hland. via the Ha^Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Ne^ro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Lar^e Illustrated Catalogue Free. 



T. S. DENISON £i COMPANY. Publishers. 154 W. BandolphSt., Chica^ 



